then i have ever been before, you're weak in the sense you can't look me straight in the eyes and tell me exactly what it is you want, instead you hide behind text message and try to handle things that way.


You no longer have the right to tell me what to do, how to live or even make suggestion in my life.

done.

When you know that im gone you will
say to yourself
I have nothing anymore,
nothing to ignore,
muah haha haha haha haha haha
to make sure you're ok..

You've got bedtime eyes
and you bat 'em like a hero and to no surprise
you just kill me, kill me sometimes.
(Sometimes)
Im not getting any closer
getting any closer
Im not getting any closer
getting any closer
any closer to you forever
its not the same as it used to be before

Like times of peaking
lips speaking in whispers
and I kissed hers
but did she know it all along
I swear she knew it all along
Its like holding her responsible
for everything, all the things I've become

You're the one to blame for...
for everything, all the things I've become
You're the one to blame for...

You're the one to blame for...
for everything, all the things I've become
You're the one to blame for...

When you know that im gone you will
say to yourself
I have nothing anymore,
nothing to ignore,
no one to make sure youre ok
to make sure you're ok..

Like times of sneaking
lips speaking in whispers
and I kissed hers
but did she know it all along
I swear she knew it all along
Its like holding her responsible
for everything, all the things Ive become

Everything means nothing
and that nothing means everything to me

You've got bedtime eyes
and you bat 'em like a hero and to no surprise
you just kill me, kill me sometimes.
(Sometimes)
Im not getting any closer
getting any closer
Im not getting any closer
getting any closer
any closer to you again
its not the same as it used to be before

You're the one to blame for...
for everything, all the things I've become
You're the one to blame for...

You're the one to blame for...
for everything, all the things I've become
You're the one to blame for...

When you know that im gone you will
say to yourself
AI have nothing anymore,
nothing to ignore,
no one to make sure you're ok
to make sure you're ok

I have until mid november to find an apartment, preferably a one bedroom, either downtown, or somewhere out here in sandy.

Other then that, things are okay.
Steadily improving with the girlfriend, even though I still get this creepy feeling she's still flirting and talking with random kids.

Meh, if that's the case, it goes 'ex girl to next girl'.
I'm not going to continuously put my all into this relationship for her to play games and kick my heart around.
Although, I do love her immensely and have done everything in my power I could to help her out when she's needed
it.

I'm still paying off all of my fines and will have a court date set in Nov. for my DUI.
I'm most likely looking at another grand I have to pay to the man. Stooooooooooooooked!?

I'm tired, nite nite kiddies.

 I can never win. 
at least I'm almost done with my fines.

Okay, so the original bed I planned on getting,
yeah, didn't get it, but I did opt. for a cheaper bed frame and it looks just like this.

Minus the mattress and pillow top. That'll be next week.
I also bought the matching bedside table to go with it and amazingly enough,
the total purchase price was 176.38, give or take a few cents, I don't have the receipt on hand.
I knew i'd be all about IKEA, but after what I spent yesterday on furniture, I'm super stoked to go back
and purchase more furniture.

In other areas of my life:

Beckah is still trying to convince me she's pregnant..... I'm not sure if it's just a way for her to keep me involved in her life or if she's actually telling the truth. She claims that she's never lied to me before but I know that's untrue, simply for the fact that she lied about getting the initial first two prenancy tests all because she "didn't want to know", how fucking irresponsible. I honestly don't even really know how to approach the situation. I'm nervous, scared and a little bit of me is excited, simply for the fact that at one point I was trying to have a baby with someone who I once considered marrying, and for those two years, nothing happened, so I started to think I was broke. haha.

Work is going pretty good. I was out in Mapleton yesterday putting up some finishing touches while running on only 3 hours of sleep from the previous night so I went upstairs, took off my tool belt and literally fell asleep for 20 minutes. hahaha. My boss didn't even give a damn.

Life is going pretty smoothly now.

I'm working almost everyday, getting paid every friday.
Saving to pay off this stupid fucking fine and get my license back.
Glad I have great friends that I can count on.

I'm also saving for this dope ass bed from IKEA.




I'm hoping to be starting school in the fall for the electrical apprenticeship program through SLCC, if not I can save and start in the spring, either way I'll still be working and making decent money.

I'm still waiting to get sushi with ains, she's always uber busy.
I'll be starting my MMA training again in a couple of weeks and I'm looking to get back inside the cage in about 6-7 months.

All in all, I'm doing what I planned on doing a post or two back.

I'm happy and content and I love my life.

 It seems I'm destined to commit mistake after mistake
Never learning, but always repeating.
 
Life lately has felt as if I'm sleep walking in an abyss.
I've become completely detached from everyone, and for an unexplainable reason I seem to be prefectly content.
Feels like I'm backed into a corner and no matter how hard I fight to get out, life just keeps kicking me down.
I've also come to realize that I no longer have any self confidence. 
I wish to go back to the days of my teeenage years when I didn't give a fuck what people thought and I actually pursued what I wanted to do in life. 

I've also realized that I rely on having a girlfriend in my life to feel "alive", which is bullshit, because you all know that I've never really cared about having a girlfriend.

And then I end up choosing the worst option available for a girlfriend.
I believe I need to get back to Salt Lake,  spend my time taking care of my fines and warrants back there, even if I have to spend a half of a year in jail, at least I'll get everything cleared up and resolved. 

I honestly don't care for people here in florida and their whole "holier than thou" attitudes. 
There are a few people that I've met that are genuinely awesome and they know it.


I need to get my life on track, back up on my own two feet. 
Only then I will feel as if I have a place in this life.

 Hrrmmmm, let's see......

Start work this month, workin' for the grills mother @ her new business she recently purchased.
Beachside Barbeque.

Literally it's steps away from the beach in Cocoa Beach, FL. 

Fine ass women will be walking by, and coming in and out of this place all day!

I'm going to be pulling in around 300-350 a week, which isn't way dank, but it's sufficient enough for now.
And it'll give me a base to start looking for an additional job, I need money like whoa!

I've decided to stop wasting time and get back into MMA and I've been Running 2-3 miles every day, and working out religiously. I've put back on the 10-15 lbs which now puts me back at a very healthy 135 lbs.  and I'm planning on eventually getting up to 155. 

I was pulled over the other night by a Brevard County Sherriff and given a citation for driving on a suspended license.
I shouldn't have been driving but oh fucking well. Now I have court on the 22nd @ 1:30. Hopefully the judge will just give me a fine and tell me to get this shit taken care of.

I miss everyone back in salt lake and most likely will be coming back for a week or just a few days longer this summer to take care of a couple previous tickets I've let slide for far too long.

In the mean time, here's some pictures. 

 This friday I'm going up to Winter Park to get registered with the Central Florida Electrical JATC.
No processing fee unlike the JATC in Salt Lake...sketchy fuckers!

After I get that done, then it's studying time for me! 
I desperately need to brush up, majorly on my math skills.
So I'll be hitting up the library and the major book retailers, 
so I can find the proper books with the right math problems so I'll be prepared
for the test when it comes time!

After watching the clip of "INTERVENTION" on your LJ, Ainsley.....I decided to watch it tonight, and I couldn't stomach it. This poor girls addiction to meth is ruining her life, and yes I know it's everyday life for some people, but to be honest, I couldn't live that way. I've known a few kids that have been addicted to Heroine, and man...that shit is rough. You end up looking like a fucking zombie.

Anyways....things are beginning to look up. 
Life is pretty dope. 
Beckah and I are both sunburnt as all hell, the funny part is, I laid by the pool and swam again today.
Not too smart, being I'm already burnt. Oh well, I needa tan my pastey ass. 

*ANGEL*

I'm twisted into a knot that only you can unwind. Untangle me so that I may prepare to be twisted back again. I crave your caressing touch, I crave your loving eyes. I crave your enveloping arms, as I'm crushed that pain overtakes me. 
(resurrect me - reincarnate me) Thoughts of you fill my mind to the point of emptiness. I hear your voice, sweet sounds.
But sounds are battles on the surface of silence. And silent are my screams to you as you burn me. I'm left mummified in ice, please comfort me again. Grab my hand, pull me close, and together we'll fly away. Your branding branding words of devotion and love forge the blade I use to cut myself, watch me die. I wither into nothingness. But with one sweet word, once touch, one kiss, you bring me back to life. WITHOUT THE PAIN THERE WOULD BE NO PLEASURE, WITHOUT THE SORROW THERE WOULD BE NO JOY.